Totally blond !

I have realized something: Bezness are totally blond.


Since I first wrote this article last year, let me tell you about what happened this one time when I decided to meet one of my Bezness friends at a club.
Well first, you must know that I prefer meeting people AT the club rather than going there together since, the second option makes it a date, and I am therefore expected to stay around the guy even though I am not that interested.


On the contrary, meeting the guy at the club makes it a fun night between friends, and it is much easier to manage getting out of any situation.

So I told the guy to meet me at the club right? 
OMG the guy just WON'T understand, he keeps texting me things such as : "they won't let me in..."

So I answer: just call me when you get there, and they'll let you in.

He doesn't seem to understand properly since he texted me over 10 times the same thing...

or maybe he expects a date with me hahah.

Tango Dance

I met a guy last year (2009), and I had his telephone number. Of course, I never gave him mine. So then I totally forgot about him, I bet he forgot about me too. But yesterday, I got very bored so I decided to call bip him.
He calls me back...


Him - Hello ? Who is it ? 
Me - Its [....]
Him - Ohhhhhhhhhh how are YOU ? (yeah right, I never even told him my name ! Well if he starts off like that, it should be an interesting phonecall...)
Me - So you remember me hugh? 
Him - Of course !
Me - Ok, so tell me, how did we meet then ?
Him - Hum... so what's your name again ? 

[I hang up]

So I sent him a text message, in which I pretend that something happened between us (in reality, nothing happened).

"I'm so sad that you don't remember me, I wanted to have a little fun tonight"

So of course the man-whore calls me right away..

Not only do I not pick up the phone, but I also turned if off, because, everyone knows that the woman-who-tells-you-the-person-you-are-trying-to-reach-is-unavailable-at-the-moment's voice is the most irritating.

Since then, he has not stopped calling me, a real tango dance, I go one step closer to you, and two steps away, and you, cute little Bezness, you do exactly what I want you to do.

Oh my God, he got me !

So this one time, I got a call from a Bezness guy I know, apparently, he wanted to see me.

But before I tell you the full story, I must remind you of one thing that hapened to me last week.
So do you remember the guy that I left alone in a club without telling him I left ?
Well last time I saw him, he did the exact same thing to me !! And I had to pay for his drinks, about 5 dinars, all right, we're even now.

So ok let's go back to the phonecall I got :

Bezness -  So you want to go out tonight ? (translation : wanna have sex tonight?)

Me - Aren't you working these days ? (I remember he lost his job recently, and if he is not working, he probably expects me to pay tonight)

Bezness - Oh no I'm not working at the moment, I needed a holiday (a 2 month and a half holiday more precisely)

So I start to understand his scheming, and frankly, I am not ready to be the naive tourist tonight.

Me - Come on darling, how do you expect to pay for my drinks if you don't have a job at the moment ? 

(Awkward moment ...)

Me - Ok well I gotta go, ttalk to you soon !

Too late, he hung up already ...

Well too bad because now I don't have plans for tonight, but still, it is always better to make those things clear since the beginning with Bezness guys, or else, every night out may cost you a lot !

Make your Bezness go Crazy !

The strenght of the Bezness resides in his ability to mess up women's feelings by alternatively playing the role of the romantic lover, followed by the unreachable lover.

Romantic lovers because they can't get enough of saying "I love you" among all the other romantic phrases those guys are familiar with.

And then, the unreachable lover, litterally, I mean, the one that can NEVER be reached, his phone is turned off, or else he seems too busy etc..

Of course, there is no one and only scheme for those strange relationships, however, there is one golden rule to observe for all : the guy makes himself indispensable, by creating a strong dependancy from his victim.

Have you never heard or even thought yourself the following : 

"I can't live without him anymore, I NEED to find some kind of job in Tunisia so I can live by his side forever after..."

Ok, maybe, let's forget about the forever after part, but still ..

So now, you're all wondering how on earth do I interact with those Bezness guys and not fall in love with any of them right ? 


Well first, if I may give you my own, personal opinion on that matter, I would tend to say that it is very likely that couples with so many differences may even work on the long term.
The distance, the religion, culture, education and, last but not least, the constant temptation for them, with busloads of sexy creatures landing in Djerba every week.


I mean, sorry ladies, but any adult knows that sex, (yeah well, that's what it's called right?), is a considerable input to the relationship, so let me remind you all that most women that start those risky relationships tend to come every 2 or 3 month at the most, and sometimes less than that....

... so how can anyone even expect his companion to wait for whole months, and be faithful when you are not even there to satisfy his most basic needs ? 

So in my opinion, one needs to be either particularly naive or else masochist to start that kind or relationship. 
Maybe not masochist after all, maybe the right word would be : partner-swapper.

So as for me, I don't even try to listen to anything a Bezness guy tries to tell me, in my opinion, any and every word that comes out of his mouth is a simple lie.

ex: 
- you are so beautiful 
(He probably told that same phrase to a woman who could've been your grandmother the day before)



- I used to have a great car but I had to sell it so I could invest my money 
(Yeah right, so why the hell do you need to borrow cigarettes for me ?).


etc...


If you want to take it to the next level, and REALLY make them go crazy, you need to show them you don't give a damn about them. 

You must be indifferent to them, unavailable, don't pick up the phone when he calls, and most of all, never call back when he sends you a BIP.
Don't worry, if it is THAT important that he needs to talk to you right away, he'll call back and even put some money in his phone if necessary.


Never show your feelings on the phone, I know, it may be hard to do, especially if you have not seen him for a long time, but you need to act curtly if you expect him to need you.


Let HIM pay.
Well maybe NOT all the times, or else, YOU will now become the Beznessa, but still, since when do women have to take financial care of men ?

Oh, and never forget the following : 

It is NOT because you own more money, 

that you are required to pay.

Bezness internship, summer session.

Bezness is a learned skill, and usually, the guys learn it while still little boys, by observing their relatives, brother, cousin, friends or classmates.

So there is a bezness guy that I have known for over 3 years, and he was basically a friend of mine (at least, he was at the time when I wrote the article in french, but then he somehow learnt about my blog and since then he hates me lol).

Well so this particular guy, has learnt everything from his master bezness big brother.

So let me talk about Master Bezness, whom I like to think of as the Olympic Champion of Bezness since, in only 8 months, he managed to get married, get divorced and... get re-married !


His first wife, victim, came to her senses and filed for dirvorce, but Master Bezness had many more women who were ready to commit. So as soon as he was divorced, he asked another one of his girlfriends to marry him, but this time, he maked sure that she got pregnant..

Last time I checked, I learnt that he was now in France...

So now, let's go back to the Bezness baby brother who's more or less my age.

So this one time, we went out clubbing, and as we were entering, he stops :

Bezness : Oh wait, there are women I know, let's invite them with us.

Me : ???

And then he walks towards two women of about 40 years old, one of them was wearing a leopard print garment and the other one, I can't remember.
I was even more shocked when he explained that the women would come with us so they would pay for our drinks ! Oh, ok then..

So then, later in the year, I met again with the Bezness Baby Brother, at the time, he was going out with a german teenager, of about 18 or 19 years old.

And although I try to be understanding and open minded, it was just too much. He let me read a letter that the girl sent to him, it was just so dopey and dripping with love, it made me nauseous.

So the letter was written in english, and it looked more or less like that :

"Darling, I sent you some pillows so you will not feel too lonely at night (oh baby, I assure you that Bezness Baby Brother DOES not feel lonely right now !!), blablabla, I can't wait to show you my country (I love the thought of the Bezness Baby Brother trying to enjoy the cold and humid Berlin)."

The letter was decorated with little hearts and stickers, so ridiculous I can't even say !

So then I asked Bezness Baby Brother : So you love her hugh ?
Bezness : No
Me : Will you marry her ?
Bezness : Maybe, next year, come on I want you so badly..

So there is a french saying that Love makes people blind, and now I am really wondering if it makes them blind or more likely, stupid ?

Stalker !!!

So you remember the Bezness I left at the club without telling him ?
Well, strangely, he does not seem to understandd that I've had enough of him since he's been calling me everyday since then !

Well I usually don't pick up the phone, but this one time, I did, so let me tell you : 

Me - Hello ? (I pretend I have removed his number for my phone, even though it's not true) who is it ?

Bezness - It's XXX !

Me - Ok what can I do for you ? 

Bezness - Why are you talking like that, are you mad at me or something ? 

Me-  I am tired of you calling me, so what do you want from me ?

Bezness - Wanna meet somewhere ?  (Bezness seem to have a short & selective memory)

Me - Nope, not tonight, not tomorrow, not anytime soon and not ever.


Bezness - Oh come on ? What's wrong darling ? I love you, you know that right ? (I wasn't even aware that I was supposed to be in any sort of relationship with him)


I hanged up.


I am done with my testing of this Bezness guy, and I have prooved to all of those who read my blog that those men act proudly but they are probably worth less than a dog's poop. 
So, when I felt tired of him stalking me and his stupid, basic and very cliché flirting, I sent him a text.
This text message was not very nice but at least I hope it was clear enough for him to understand : 


 "real men don't take advantage of women for money, only manwhores do that".


He did not appreciate the text so much, but at least, he understood I did not want to have anything to do with him and he left me alone.

How to GET RID of a stalking Bezness guy ?

So today, you will learn how to finally get rid of those stalking bezness guys.

So I must tell you I used to have a really funny Bezness, well, you know, the kind of Bezness who gives me plenty of things to tell you on the blog !

But well, at times, it is tiring and insulting to understand how Bezness guys feel about us so even I, sometimes loose my temper.

Well this one time we went out at night, AND he did not pay for my drinks.

Well there is a french saying that goes : if you want to reach a woman's heart (or take her home maybe), you need to reach her stomach first.

Well at least he paid for his own drinks, which is not so bad for a start.

Well, if the guy won't help me have fun, why am I even here right ?  So I pretend to have fun, I smile and I try to avoid his stupid gaze, all the while thinking about how to escape from the club unnoticed.
 

And then I'm struck with this superb idea.The Bezness guy goes to the dancefloor and I take advantage of the situation so I discretely escape towards the exit, hop in the car and leave him back at the club.

Of course, my cell was turned off and it was a really nice surprise to find dozens of missed calls from the Bezness who certainly thought I would be his free taxi for the ride home.

Oops :)

Bezness are so CUTE (and naive)

So yesterday, I went out clubbing in a hotel’s disco, and, as usual a few guys tried to flirt with me. 

However, I must admit that I really wasn’t in the mood for playing the Beznessa girl, because I may have had just a tiny little bit too much too drink.

But luckily, this guy, who was an animator of the hotel, came and I am happy that I actually talked with him, so now I have a story to tell you :

So the guy was not handsome at all, well he was not TOO ugly either but still, there he was, trying to kiss me !! And he was not so delicate about it (“oh, come on, kiss me!”).

So then, as I was trying to get rid of him, I asked : ok so what do you have to offer me.

So then he starts to seriously think about it, and while he does that, I escape and go back to my friends.

15 mn or so, after our first conversation, there he is again ! And he looks quite happy and proud of himself, with that face, you know, just like a kid who would have found the rarest Pokemon card to exchange against one of his friend’s snack !

Bezness – I know !! I got a nice white harem pants (sarouel) for you if you like ?!

So, even if I would never had gone back home with him, I still made a quick estimate of the price, maybe 15 dinars, or 20, at the most, very insulting !

So I was planning to be nice tonight but NOW I feel insulted, how could the guy ever think I would sleep with him for a pair of stupid pants ? It reminded me at the souk, when guys try to bargain you for camels !

Bezness guys form hounds

Hey ladies !

So when you read the following story, I am quite sure you will agree with me :
Bezness guys tend to have a very particular social behavior, squeezing 6 guys around a tiny table of a café, wearing half a gallon of cheap cologne and so much hairspray you could hurt yourself if touching their hair.

Nevermind the place, Bezness guys usually hang out in groups, even if his girlfriend has come especially to see him, he will take her out and meet his friends, because it is too scary to have to actually TALK.
Well, this omnivorous mammal species which can be found everywhere on Tunisian coastal regions still remains a little bit.. primitive.

Some of his favorites themes are :
- his work
- his ex girlfriends (he just loves to tell you how much fun he's had before meeting you, but of course it's all in the past now that he has YOU in his life, and how happy he his that he's found you and how could he ever live without you and that he will be forever thankful to his God for meeting you ect ect)

- his family (which seems like an endangered species that can only be saved with Western union)
- his financial problems (his description usually makes us think that Tunisia is at War, devestated by Leper, were people starve to death, and that the whole place needs urgent help)

The other main reason for those large groups of guys is to compete for the horny female (oh wow, you got a good one, she is not THAT ugly, AND she is so naïve she doesn't mind paying for us all).

So this one time, I was at a café and witnessed the following scene :
Two guys with young, very young German girls; maybe 16 years old at the most.
So the girls were trying to look older, as teenagers usually do, so they were wearing so much makeup, they actually looked kind of ridiculous.

Presentation of the characters :
Bezness 1 and 2 are sitting with me
Bezness 1 is one of my lab rats, Bezness 2 is a friend of his.
Bezness 3 is at the next table and goes out with Stupid girl 1, Bezness 4 is at the next table and goes out with Stupid girl 2.

So Bezness 1 at my table, asks Bezness 4 at the table next to us in arabic :
Bezness 1 : So where are they from ?
Bezness 4 : German, or Swiss, not so sure yet
Bezness 1 : ok, so where are they staying
Bezness 3 : Sun Club
Bezness 2 : Are they staying alone ?
Bezness 3 : Yup and they have other girlfriends too and we're going there to meet some of them tomorrow haha

I COULD NOT believe that the guys sitting at MY table, were actually planning where they would next go to find naïve young girls to take advantage of.

Well, of course, the two girls paid for all drinks, including theirs and those of their Prince charming.
However, I thought it was pretty funny that the two Bezness guys took pictures with the german teenagers, and I am pretty sure the girls will be happy to post those pictures on Facebook as soon as they'll get home.

And.. that's the one thing Bezness guys fear :)

Bezness are Masochists

Bezness guys love to be bossed out by girls, and now, I will demonstrate my new theory !

So this one time, I went out to celebrate the end of Ramadan in the city, well as you imagine it was very crowded and I don't like crowds so I'm starting to look for a space to park the car, and, in the end, it turns out, we are quite far away from the place we wanted to go to.

Bezness - Why did you park so far away ?

Me - I wanted to make you walk a little.

Bezness - Oh Ok

Me - Just kidding, I don't want to pay for the parking lot, since I suppose you won't be the one to pay right ?

Bezness - Oh, its only 2 dinars, I'd rather pay myself than walking !

Me - Go f*ck yourself (and then he hugs me, huggghhh ?? what's going on now ?)

Bezness - Is there something wrong honey ?

Me - I'm pissed off, leave me alone

After that, he was the most delicate Bezness I'd ever seen.
So apparently, Bezness really are masochists !

Tunisian Cell Phones should be waterproof

If you have a boyfriend in Tunisia, especially if your boyfriend works in the tourism industry, you may agree with the following statement :

Tunisian cell phones love water and, they tend to enjoy the sea and the swimming pool a lot !

So this one time, I was on the phone with one of my favorite rats (since he always gives me so much fun stories to post on the blog haha)

Bezness - Honey, I know you have 2 cell phones at home, do you mind giving me one, because unfortunately one of the guests from the hotel pushed me into the swimming pool and my cell phone is now broken. (yeah, so how did you manage to call me then ?)

Me - Honey, if I give you my other cell phone, how will I call my other boyfriends ?

Bezness - WHAT ?

Me - So, if you don't have a cell phone right now, how did you manage to call me (I bet that he'll tell me a collegue of his allowed him to use his phone, I already heard that before)

Bezness - Oh, just a collegue, who lended me his phone

Ok so, if you REALLY have a "boyfriend" over there in Tunisia and if he REALLY serves you that bullshit, please note that the story of the collegue is usually made up to excuse the fact that the "boyfriend" can only be reached on his cell number, for 2 hours per day.
This mostly happens during summer when the "boyfriend" obviously has many other tourists to flirt with and does not wish to have his boring and suspicious girlfriend call him all day long.
At times, you would call your "boyfriend" and his colleague would answer the phone, while serving you with the excuse that your "boyfriend" has forgotten his sim card in the phone.
Well, maybe you could ask yourself WHY on earth the nice and friendly colleague would not have put his own sim card in his phone right ?

Only one real reason for that, your boyfriend has a cell phone, however, he switches sim cards whenever he needs to. Most bezness own at least 2 or more sim cards, allowing them to offer different telephone numbers to their girlfriends.

Moreover, if you know the local guys, you must have realized that they simply CANNOT stay away from their phone, either to make and receive calls, or listen to music, so ladies, let me tell you one thing : No Bezness will ever stay more than 48 hours without a phone especially since one can get a used phone for no more than 10 or 15 dinars in case one really needs it !
First price for new phones in specialized stores start at 45 dinars !

BIP, Bezness's greatest invention

The main caracteristic of Bezness rats is that they tend NOT to spend money for women.

But Bezness rats still need to maintain contact with the ladies or else, how can they pretend to be in love ?

So this is why they have invented the famous, international BIP

The BIP, which is the french word, is a missed call done on purpose, to notify you that someone tried to reach you but did not have enough credit on his phone to actually pay for the conversation.

In order to do it well, you need to let the phone ring one, or at the most, two times before hanging up, and then wait for the other person to call back.

The BIP has a very complex pyscho-emotional meaning that I will try to explain 

- I BIP you because I think about you

(or maybe, because you have called me so many times today, I am so tired of you, and I don't want to spend money for you, so I will grant you the favor of BIPing you and you'll call me back to hear my voice) 

 

- I BIP you to notify you I have free time now 

(because I you call me later, I might have more important business to attend...)

- I BIP you because I need to tell you something

(I need you to send me Western Union ASAP, and I know that, since you love to hear my voice, you'll call me back in a few seconds)

- I BIP you because I am bored

(and I don't care if I have nothing interesting to say, because in the end, the phone bill is yours and not mine)

So there are the main reasons why you can receive a BIP on your phone, and the thing is, if you do, receive a missed call, you are expected to call back.

I usually don't.

However I am glad that I did, this one time, because it gave me a funny story to tell you :

Bezness BIP on my phone

I call back.

Me - What do you want ?

Bezness - Oh darling, why do you sound mad ? 

Me - I am not your slave to call back whenever you have something to tell me. In my country, the men tend to be better educated.

Bezness - Darling, you know I call you when I can, but right now, I can't (you just ended the summer season in a 4 star hotel and you don't have money ? oh PLEASE ! Please stop I feel insulted that you would think I am THAT naive)

Me - Oh really ? So what is it now ? Your mom is in hospital or what's making you spend so much money ?

Bezness - No my mom is dead you know that

(yeah, and that's a lie too, just so you know)

Me - Ok so what is it ?

Bezness - I need to send money to my younger sister 

Me - Why is that ?

Bezness - She is at university, I am paying for her studies (universities are public and free of charge in Tunisia)

Ok, 6 minutes already and only crap.

Me - Ok, I need to go now.

Bezness - Why ? 

Me - I am bored and I don't want to pay to hear your bullshit

I hang up.

How about you, do you call back when you receive a BIP ?

Liar !!

So today, the lab rat is one very handsome guy, whom, I know from very serious sources that he has a girlfriend in France.

So let's se what he's got.

I went out on a date with him, then a few days after that, once I have all the information needed, I took my phone. I usually do not make phonecalls myself, as you know I like it better when the bezness spends money for me, but this was a very urgent situation !

Bezness - Oh hi !! So nice to hear from you (really ???)

Me - Oh I've missed you so much 

Bezness - Want to meet me somewhere ? Grab something to drink or something ?

Me - When ? 

Bezness - Tonight if you don't have plans ?

Me - Oh I think your girlfriend would be upset (ok I've decided to help him a little bit, because my first idea, which was to blackmail him to get presents haha was a little too much don't you think ?)

Bezness - What girlfriend ? (Ok I wasn't expecting that but what a nice liar !)

Me - Oh don't tell me you are single I wouldn't believe you !

Bezness - I swear 

Me - Say Wallah

Bezness - Wallah

Me (ok he is getting on my nerves now with his lies, do I look THAT stupid ?) - Well, that is strange because I thought I had understood that your girlfriend C... was coming to visit soon...

awkward silence :)

Bezness - ...you know her ?

(no I don't, I just know how to get information honey)

Me - Allooooooooooooo

Bezness - yES

Me - Is there something wrong ? (I wonder if he senses the irony in my voice)

Bezness - I don't know what to say

Me (let's finish him now) - Well I wouldn't know what to say either if I swore to god AND cheated on my girlfriend like you do.

(while Ramadan, even better !)

So THEN, he thinks I am one of his girlfriend's friends, which is absolutely not the case, and he tries to convince me that he respects her and blablaba. Please shut up !

Bezness - Oh you know, I feel uneasy now (well of course, since I proved to all that you were a big fat liar)

I could not tell you I had a girlfriend or else you would not have been out with me (great !), but I have never cheated on her before (yeah right, I remember another lady 3 weeks ago at the club !)

Love & Dinars

So this one time, I went out to a club with one of my bezness lab rats, well, as usual, I pretended I had no money at all so he wouldn't expect me to pay for his drinks and all.

So we are back and staying in the car and then he goes : 

Bezness - Why won't you ever HELP me ?

Me - Oh honey, you know I would LOVE to help if ONLY I had money 

Bezness - Oh I understand, but you know, since you won't help me, I NEED to date other tourists so they can provide me with clothes and nice stuff, but please, don't worry, I will always care about you most.

Me (I had a date with his boss the night before) - Oh no, how could you ever do that to me, I will DIE !

Bezness - Oh, ok, please, don't be upset ! I promise I will not date other women because I LOVE you.

(???? I'd known him for only 6 days hahaha)

Bezness are so cheap !

One day, I went on a "date" with a bezness friend of mine, well, not a friend per say, more of a lab rat :)

So there we are, at a café and, well he thought I was one of those ladies whom he could take advantage of so he could have me pay for him and 2 of his friends.

So when the waiter comes to our table and take our order he asks me : u got money ? 

I had so much fun when answering with my most flirtatious voice : oh no honey, you know I have absolutely no money left this month !

He was not so happy when he had to pay for all 4 of us :)

Not so sure he will ask me out again anytime soon